Posted on 2007.10.16 at 14:36
Current Mood: confused
You know there is something the fuck wrong with your mental state when you watch a film like Van Wilder and end up feeling depressed afterwards.
Posted on 2007.10.13 at 22:51
Current Mood: annoyed
Went to the doctor's yesterday because my arm started hurting at training on thursday. I knew it was an old injury, because I'd managed to do the same over summer. Didn't go to the doctor's then because I knew they'd just say rest it.
So guess what the doctor said? "Rest it for two weeks, if it still hurts, come back." Fat lot of bloody good that was. In the next two weeks I have 5 training sessions and a controlled scrimmage against our local senior league team. Chances of me resting my arm for two weeks?
Posted on 2007.10.12 at 02:11
Current Mood: contemplative
This is me pretending to write a text so I don't look like a billy while I seat-guard. Like Jim did the other week. Figured it was worth a shot. Problem is, I ain't drunk enough to write some story, and most of my rants and outpourings get vented on Livejournal. So yeh, that's why I've written fuck all so far. Not much better than Jim really. Shame that. Not even had to fight for the seats. which is less than ideal. At least it woulda been a pause in my mutterings. 4 texts worth of bollocks. And they still aren't back from the bar...
Ahh, this is shit. I'm not really part of the group, and I'm not that much up for being out. Tbh, I just wanna dance. But nobody else in my group does. And I ain't goin on my own. So I'm stuck here bored and not pulling.
And now I'm seat-guarding again. I got my ass pinched earlier, but I have no idea who by. That really fucks me off actually. If a girl is interested enough to pinch my arse, she could at least stick around long enough to let me respond. Or even turn around...
Posted on 2007.09.04 at 00:15
Current Mood: contemplative
I hope I die before I get old.
Let's face it - growing old is not an attractive proposition, what with the infirmity, illnesses and coffin dodging. Perhaps the body isn't even meant to last that long - maybe that's why conditions like dementure and alzheimer's arise. But I digress.
You may think that so far I have said nothing strange. But what I haven't mentioned is that I want to die violently. I want to die fighting for my life. Go out with a bang. I often think that I was born in the wrong period. I would have been better suited to be born and fight in the war (i'm thinking 14-18 or 39-45) or ancient feudal china. I'm not really suited to modern life. I would have fitted in much better when what really mattered was not political correctness but life and death.
Maybe I just need locking up.
Posted on 2007.09.01 at 17:51
Current Mood: gloomy
Are we not meant to get on?
For some reason my family retains a unique skill to cause me to fly into fits of rage at the drop of a hat. I am depressed when I am in my home, and never content. I can't wait to be out of the house. I look forward to going to work.
I hate my father. Mainly because he is such a hypocritical bastard, yet at the same time is an unrelenting control freak. The result is that he is constantly moving the goalposts, breaking his own rules, and still expecting me to follow them religiously. Something which I stopped trying to do quite a while ago. But I also hate him because I am becoming him. Whenever I am consciously aware of my doing something which he does, it makes me angry. I feel the only way I can prevent this is by cutting off contact with my family, yet financially I cannot afford to do so.
Yet when I am out with others, I am generally perceived as a polite person. I also enjoy my life. But it lasts only while I am in the moment. As soon as the night is over, or the party is finished, I slump back to the reality - that I am stuck with my family.
Posted on 2007.09.01 at 17:00
Current Mood: irate
What the fuck is their problem?
I'm certain that they are sent by somebody just to see how far I can be pushed before I snap. It's not that I'm especially intolerant, it's just that they are all retarded.
"How much is this one?" I am asked, as the customer points at the price ticket. I mean, do they forget to put their brains in in the morning?
Then there was the customer whom I rang to inform that his order had arrived in-store, to be asked why I don't give him more work hours!
There will soon come a day when I just completely flip and murder everybody in the store. Probably the town, to be honest, as I can't walk to or from work without seeing half a dozen things which make me want to just grab the offending individual and beat them into paste.
I think I have rage issues.
Posted on 2007.08.31 at 18:34
Current Mood: pissed off
Why is it that they are so damned complicated (the ironic thing is that they think we men are so complicated too)?
How can you tell if a girl likes you, romantically? Is it when they confide in you? Flirt with you? Avoid you even?
The annoying thing is, that all of the above could be applicable, yet they could also be applicable to the fact that you have fallen into their safe zone - their 'just friends' pigeonhole (except the last one - that probably just means you creep them out). And as everybody should know (because everybody should watch Scrubs), there is almost no way back out of that room.
You know you're fucked though when you think you're getting along well with a girl, then she starts talking about how her ex is being off hand with her. Talk about "I see you as somebody who i can tell this too because you're not a threat to me, or a romantic interest."
Posted on 2007.08.31 at 18:33
Current Mood: depressed
Is doomed forever to failure.
I seem unable to commit to intimacy, should I ever find myself in a situation requiring it, that is. Whilst I feel amorous towards women, I do not (not even in my mind) feel comfortable with the thought of being sexually intimate with them. Perhaps this is due to my complete lack of experience, or maybe my insecurity about my own body. I don't know.
However, I face a greater obstacle. I seem to have the romantic personality of a persistently unrequited lover. I wear my heart upon my sleeve, and fall in love with any girl who shows me attention. i then proceed to idolise, follow and adore them for a period of time, bordering on stalking. I'm quite sure that this is obvious to those around me. I'm equally sure that such actions do nothing but cause the girl to think I am a creep. Eventually, the retarded part of my brain also realises that nothing can or will happen, and I stop having these feelings for the particular girl. However, I do still harbour feelings for them, as one would an ex. Coincidentally, it is around this time that I latch onto the next hapless woman, and the cycle repeats.
Should I be fortunate to have chosen a single girl who seems to return my feelings initially, I seem to have a knack for turning them off me. I can get to the 'arrange a second date' stage, then everything gets FUBAR - to the point that they break all contact with me...
In the extremely rare circumstance that i am the target of somebody's affections, and I become aware of this, I seem internally wired to respond in kind. Even when the girl in question does not attract me at all, I still react.
So there are two of my problems - perpetual unrequitement, and response to being needed.
My third problem is that I seem to have a hero complex. I fall for needy girls - damsels in distress. If they are damaged goods, they are attractive. I seem to feel the need to protect and care for said women, despite the fact that I usually do so to my detriment.
Posted on 2007.08.31 at 18:33
Current Mood: contemplative
Something which I thought the other day: are different people driven by different moods? that is to say, do different people gain motivation from different states of mind? I have discovered that I seem to thrive on rage. The angrier I am, the more productive I am and the better work ethic I have. Whereas some people need to be happy to achieve the same result, and some others need to be unhappy to gain the motivation to do something about it...
Posted on 2007.08.31 at 18:32
Current Mood: cynical
Platonic same sex relationships are simple - they exist as emotional support and to boost our ability to function in society - therefore aiding in our quest to propagate.
Relationships with people of the opposite sex, however, are not so. I'm talking about so-called platonic friendships between members of the opposite sex (or for homosexuals, I suppose the same sex). I believe that in every friendship, it exists for one reason, and one reason alone. sex. At least one party wants to fuck the other. If both parties feel the same way, the friendship is generally a lot stronger/closer. But it rarely develops because habit and custom have made the parties used to the status quo by the time they realise the truth. However, more often than not, it is unrequited. Now, the parties may not even realise this consciously (or more likely do not want to admit) , but I have found it to be an infallible rule. I know it is true for myself, and for my friends whom I have told of my theory.